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constancy
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2010-11-26 15-42-33 |
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Do you like helping other people with their problems?
Let me just for warn you...my life is a disaster right now! The looking for female Creve Coeur MO only two friends that I have are my mom and a friend in Chicago, so I feel desperate for some outside communication. I have ben married for just a little over two years. We have a two year old and a 4 month old. My husband is a drug addict. He is also extremely verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. We have been dating for a little bit more than 3 years. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old from a previous marriage that have been living with their daddy for a little more than a year now. This is a long story...but I'll try and sum it up. I have always been such a good person. I am a Christian, although I'm trusting in Christ right now. I met my husband at church. I fell in love with his story, at least his version of his story. He lead me to believe that he was living a different lifestyle, although he still struggled with drinking. He said that God had changed his life. I started dating him, but he never came to my house or was around my children for the first 8 months. There were several clues that I should leave, but I though that I would be the one to fix him. He told me that I was the one. He made me believe that he had never loved anyone like he loved me. I rarely drank before meeting him, but slowly I began to find myself out with him on the weekends at Chilis or some bar in Dallas. I started drinking heavily...which ultimately led to using. I had no idea what was going on the first time because I was so drunk. This continued. I wanted to be with him so badly that I allowed many things in my life that have gotten me to where I am today. I got pregnant with his baby and I stopped drinking and using all together. I got my life back in order, all but for him. I continued seing him because of the baby and wanted to make our relationship work...all the while with his persuasion. I ultimately married him mostly because I felt forced. After losing my two oldest children....I moved to Chicago to live with my best friend to get back on my feet. I found a discipleship rehab program for my husband to attend. He did not finish. I got pregnant with out second child. Fast forward to today....I am using again. I don't really even want to. I actually hate everything about it. He is so mean and abusive when drinking and using. I am not trying to play some sad little girl, but he makes me feel like I don't have a choice. Now, there is absolutely a part of me that enjoys it... I need help. I need a friend to talk to. I need people that can help me. I need a voice of reason. Several voices of reason. I need to regain my strength and feel confident again. If you have read this and are wanting to pass judgement, please do not respond. I KNOW. I need encouragement please.
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