What constitutes kink? It seems like many people in this forum are very into bondage, D/s scenes, and S&M. Are these integral components or kink, or can kink exclude those? As such, if kink can be exclusive of the power exchange, is it fair to get on someone's case for not being kinky because what they discuss does exist exclusive of the power exchange?

Ah, Marti, the age-old question! Shortly after I started dating SO he asked me what the kinkiest thing I'd ever done was. I had the hardest time answering that question, all because I was not sure what "kinky" meant. Ie., is giving your guy a blow job behind a tree in a public park MORE kinky than group sex in a private bedroom? Is anal play kinky, really, at all? Etc.

And to your point that is a loaded question. Blow job behind the tree at the public park may be vanilla to him and kink to you. Depending upon your fetish and thoughts. So things you tell him may be no big deal to you, but extreme to him.

Well, when we chatted about that question later, he said he was just trying to get to know me! Yeah . . .

He was trying to get to know what you would do in bed. I know, I've done the same. But to his defense, he is trying to find out to what level of kink you are comfortable. Thus not entering an area he shouldn't later when you're naked.